I have definitely stomped a mud hole in the creative emo kid that resides within. My afternoon is wide open, this afternoon. The timing is perfect to sit down and work on the project of the moment. I'm writing something. Something that I think is a pretty solid idea.
Without giving the exact idea away for someone with more industry savvy than I to make their own - It's a comic book script. For a Marvel comic book.
I procrastinate. Here. Now. I declared months ago that my blog was to become front street. This is not a place for the fake it till you make it. Spent years and thousands of dollars on that in the past. And really, is there a documented case of it working? This blog is all about struggling with myself... struggling to get an endeavor to launch... and putting that journey's concerns on front street AKA here.
As I have blogged (whined) about in the past - everything I seem to undertake relies on someone else. And more than any other time it is prevalent now. I've chosen to write a Marvel comic book. I guess in the hope that they like it, attach an artist and publish it. But talk about limiting my range. This isn't trying to get a record deal, trying to get a producer to buy a movie script... It's essentially one person, or group of people on behalf of ONE organisation. I don't say this like "so watch me hurdle this, hurdle kids!", more of "rejection is even more likely."
So I procrastinate. I used to do all this shit for fun, the creative whatnots - not so much the 'crastinating. For the life of me I can't work out why the scales tipped the other way.
I declared here that I was shooting my own pilot of a TV show script I wrote. I also declared that I'd voice my concerns here. Well... I'm concerned (FRONT STREET!!!). I want to do it. I should do it. It'd be an amazing challenge. But you know what else was an amazing challenge...
...and it now sits in the hands of 12 people who bought it. To whom I am grateful. Another 10 or so publishers... from whom I've heard nothing. And I know... I know everything I've done wrong. But I'm not a marketer... I'm not a networker... All the things it seems that are required to get any of these things past my own shelf I have NO talent, or more to the point - patience, for.
So Further Education... Yes, it'd be a great accomplishment and life check list tick... But it'd ultimately go unwatched right...? On top of that, it's one of the more pricey endeavors on my dream project list. Writing a comic book cost nothing. Filming Further Education costs... well, lots.
Getting slightly tangenty but still sorta on topic. I think about music a lot. I miss being in a rock band. I patiently wait for, and make no attempt to find, some like minded souls who'd like to get their rock'n'roll on. And like a lightning bolt yesterday reality reminded me it's not the romantic lover I remember it to be. A friend/peer/mentor I grew up with totally deserves, and yet sorta fell into an amazing band. A band with, right out the gate, connections and deals and whatnot. Awesome for him. That band may be brand new, but he more than paid his dues.
Then the lightning bolt. I saw a photo from a recent show of theirs. You know those photos strategically taken so that for all you know they're playing to thousands.... Then there was that onstage crowd shot. There must have been 10, 15 at most, people there. I don't miss that. I don't miss playing to no one. And just so I'm clear... they are a great band... with a great record out... signed to this and that... and still...
The state of the live music scene is a whole other topic. And one I'm barely knowledgable on these days. But the small point was made and taken.
So here we are. The battle rages on. The self advice is simple - do it for fun... everything else is gravy. Taking it is not so.
It would seem I should get used to the feeling of never being content. Some people get home from work and are content. Tuck the kids in at night, put up a shed up... and are content. The struggling creative emo douche still harbouring some sort of misguided "I deserve to make it" will never be content.
...and many like minded will think "yeah, but that won't be me...". Come back and see me kid.