I catch myself often. Always wondering them same wonders. And then I often find myself here, trying to justify things to myself and you, that once gentle listener. The mission statement was always clear. Create to create. Somewhere along the line, it became about the scrilla, dem dollar bills y'all. I still daydream on endevours I'd much love to undergo. Comics I'd love to do. Albums I'd love to record. But I think a later in life maturity has started asking something in return.
I read the tweets of those who hope to make it in the comic book industry. 10 or so tweets a day, all in an attempt to forward careers. Same with screenwriters. Same with musicians. A focused vision. I want to be all these things. Deep down under layers of self hatred and doubt I have a quiet confidence that I have a slight knack for these things. I'm very aware of my flaws and try to play to my strengths. I play within my wheelhouse. A "jack of all trades, master of none" type deal.
So I should focus my vision. It's damn simple. The perfect analogy hit me early on - last high school year, a competition was held to design the end of school jumper. Flooded with ideas I submitted 5 different designs. All similar in my cartoon'ed style. The votes came in. All five of my designs scored between 18-25 votes. However, Lousia Maraffa's design won - scoring 27 votes. It seemed so obvious afterward, how did I not think it out. 90 or so votes spread across my 5 designs... Enter ONE design and score AT LEAST 28, right?
At one time my vision was focused. MightyBoy. And while, I guess, ultimately things didn't pay off - I was at least happy, creatively fulfilled.
I want the next line of this blog to be "Time to focus my vision", but it's actually scary to write. I know deep down I can't commit to it. I think I'll forever be this unsure of his purpose ideas man. I look forward and I think of the projects I have committed to or wish to begin. A new Podcast, which if the test runs are anything to go by, could be something really special. A webcomic - I want to become a better artist. I've drawn the same for the last 15 years and then suddenly improved alot over the course of putting together Badly Beaten Boy... So regular drawing, challenges... Should only be upward right? And then, YouTube perform a number of my new and old songs. If I'm not out there performing them anymore, why should they live only in my songbook?
But now, let's at least try and have a focus. When I reached page 6 of drawing Badly Beaten Boy I realised it was a real thing. And a thing that deserved completion. With such a defined goal in my head I regained a long lost skip in my step. So I'm embarking on my biggest project yet.
Everything I've done seems to rely on a magical fairy of sorts. Put together a record and beg for a record company to release it. Put together a comic book and beg a publisher to release it. Writing screenplays is yet another step removed. There's no real product unless someone casts and shoots it... and that's only if you've managed to get someone to even read it.
So I'm gonna shoot my own shit. It's a learn by doing type deal. I done enough courses, read enough books. Time to just freakin' do it. There are somethings I think can't be taught, things I feel I have a grasp on. I know how dialogue should sound, I know how scenes should move. Enter late, get out early. I've got this. And if nothing else, during it, I'll be happy and fulfilled.
Soon I shoot this.
I plan to be real honest here about it. Put my concerns and jubilations on front street. Soon, the battle plan. Sooner, another bullshit comic strip coz shit got too serious